This mommy stuff is tricky. It's an overwhelming mixture of guilt, awe, fatigue, bliss and crankiness.
Guilt- letting the baby wail because I desperately want a shower, wondering if I'm a terrible person for sometimes really wanting to go back to work, (2 weeks- yikes), realizing it's mid afternoon and the poor puppy is swatting at me and looking anxiously at the door for a reason, looking at dishes from last Wednesday sitting on the counter and just not caring.
Awe- looking at the little tiny veins showing through her white skin and realizing she's a complete and perfect little person- I'm just amazed by all her miniature features from her eyelashes to her pinky toes.
Fatigue- umm... yeah, anyone who's even seen a baby gets this one
Bliss- watching her sleep, feeling her warm little breaths on my neck when she snuggles up against me, watching her eyes light up when she sees me or Daddy, listening to her funny little chuckles and knowing that I'm the one who caused them... too many things to write.
Crankiness (always followed by a healthy dose of guilt!)- will I ever be able to go anywhere ever again, and if I do happen to actually make it out on the town, will I ever be able to eat dinner in a restaurant without holding a squirming crying, sweaty baby?
I'm not complaining. Even on the tough days, she's still the answers to all my prayers, and I'm sure some day the dog will forgive me for the neglect. Poor Misha- it's tough being a big sister, too.
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